: *: 欣 声 : * :

I've decided.

This post is going to be my Bye Bye post to this blog.

Dear blog, 

Thanks for being with me for so long. 

Thanks for giving me a place to express any unhappiness.

Thanks for giving me a space to breath and relax whenever i am so stressed up.

Thanks for listening to all my babbling without making me feel bad.

Thanks for everything.

Dear my readers,

Thanks for reading :)

I've decided to leave. To move on.

This blog is way too sad. 

The memories here are bittersweet, er, no, it is bitter more than sweet.

I've decided to leave and live at present and future.

I do not want to be all tied up with my sad pasts.

SO,

BYE BYE ! :)

I will live a livelier life, happier life from now onwards !

:D

Screw you, who always thought that you understand me but actually you don't at all. 

At this point of time of last year, i was just graduated from foundation, hesitating about my choice of course, contemplating in regards to future...

and here I am, gonna proceed to my sophomore year in two days time...

Geez. Time flies and always catches me in surprise. When i was so basking in what I am doing, time slips. When i notice this slip of time, it always doom me with loads of surprises...

How i wish Time can just stop awhile, let me have a chance to stop awhile too, let me get a chance to breath without worrying anything in the world.

x

Looking back the past time thru my posts, i've realised I have changed pretty lots...

x

Oh geez, i hope i can grow stronger as time flows. I hope i wont lose myself easily after awhile again...

Always, always need to remind myself to look back while moving forward.

When i was watching that movie....

damn. some psychological theories just kick into my mind ><

 bad bad bad habit. it just like....i will reli pay attention on the movie, analyse it, thinkin and finding reasons for each behaviours

wad de hell ! 

Ahh... this is the consequence when u reli into psychology huh. Kenneth shud love such a promosing student like me horh :P

What if

I'm born with mesmerizing beautiful and face and sizzling hot body

Will i have a happier life?

Will i laugh more than i do now?

Will i have better than what i have now?

Convince me . Outlooking is not important.

Convince me !

Oh well, it's Chinese New Year again...and this holy festive had me gone through alot of dilemma each day. 

Everyday, everyday of this week, before i go out, i will have to think should i go or not. What pulling me behind is the coming midterm and assignments due date * roll eyes*

And, eventually, i will choose to go out. Reason? frens weigh more than study during this cny perhaps?

I'm thinking, if i don't get to see them, play with them in this CNY, do I still got such a chance in comin years, especially with some many frens around?

Answer is probably No. 

So, there I go. Say BB to my text book and assignment and chao to frens' hse... By the time i get home, it probably is ard 4am already =/ such a lifestyle makes me damn lethargic these 2 days. Serve me right though =.=lll

During the house visiting, i notice that my temper gets worse. My tolerance is decreasing. Ughh. Trivial matters piss me off easier and easier...pathetic huh.

Also, life seems not easy for some of my friends easily. Listening to them and their stories make me feel so powerless as i cannot do anything about wad had happened on them, but listen and only listen to them. I hate this kind of feeling of inadequate...That's why. I decided, i wont study counseling when comes to my master course. This is useless. So useless. 

Maybe. I'm just get tired of everything now. I'm tired.

Nobody is a virgin.

Life fucks everyone.

The more i read this quote, the more i like it !

It reflects everyone's life. 

Everyone has a screwed up moment in their life, no ?

My life is no good recently.

no good.

Pray for me. Thank you.

This was the first time how i wish myself take up Nursing course instead of psychology.

The thought kicked in when i was reading news about Haidi's earthquake :(

Looking at the sad victims' face, wounds, agony, what i can do is feeling sad over it. Nothing else.

This has left me feel so mou yong, so incompetent, so useless. 

Ugh.

I have no religion. So, even if i wish to pray for them, i do not know who should I pray to.

..........

This is why how i wish i am a nurse or whatsoever medic related practitioner so that i am able to give helps to whose are really in deed right now.....

Emo now.

" Don't compare your life with others.

'Coz u have no idea what their journeys lead to. "

So true.

But how many of us realise that?

Alot of us love to compare our lives with others, get jealous over richer life, or always complain that his/her life is so bad as compared to others.

I wonder, why some people just are not able to treasure what they have right now?

x

On the other hand, there are people who always compare their life with poorer people and thinking it is so lucky that they are not in the poor's shoes. Worse comes to worst, some even look down at others' life.

Self-fulling and self-centered thoughts like these will lead these kinds of people to have a tumultuous change in the future. We will not know the change is good or bad before the arrival of that.

Balance ya way of thinking. 

  It is so hard to take a good photo.

='(

Photography somehow resembles the reality of life. Most of the time, U r not given second chance once u miss out the given opportunity, or u make a mistake.

Sometime, things just happen out of sudden and u have to be alert and flexible enough to make the best decision in the blink of eyes.

Just like the fireworks photograph that i have taken back then.

It was a pain in the ass. Seriously. Coz it was such a failure.

Looking at these photos, it had me reckoned those regrettable yet unchangeable decisions and mistakes that i have made in life. 

There is no retake for most of the moments in life.

All i have captured is the scene after firing of fireworks. Just like how i stand still at the point i made mistake, feel regret over the mistake.

Pointless.

I started my new year with sorrow.

=/

新的一年又来罗。

新的开始？ 哈哈！好老土的说话！

对我而言，新的一年不是新的开始。

所谓新的开始是当你下定决心改变自己的那一刻。

无论是好是坏，那才是新的开始，因为，你做了个会改变你的人生的决定。

我啊。还没有有最新的开始。

寻找着下一个决定 :)

 一个我不会后悔的决定。

人生犹如厕纸，所以，没事不要乱扯

乱扯了，不要以为每一句对不起可以换来一句没关系

扯了，烂了，是卷不回去的

无法回复原型

这就是人生， 你能奈他如何？

ASSUMPTION KILLS

it kills me.  kills my heart. kills my trust. 

it just kills everything of me.

it takes away everything of me from u.

it engulfs your brain that u cannot think rationally.

i never know telling what I think about something is considered as back-stabbing.

i never know only me is not allowed to speak out my thoughts.

i never know.

From now on, i will remain solemn n silent.

shut my heart up.

If that's what all of u what. 

WOW. can't believe my last blog was written last two months before...

i totally skipped November :O

Having a busy life huh.

However, i've managed to survive *Grin*

Here am I. still. alive. Takin deeeep deeeep breath. HAh ! feeeling fresh !!

November. Busy. Why. Assignments lor.

Then nida attend experiments. Den attended workshops. Den went to camp. Den celebrated besties' bdae. Den went to colloquium. Den yumcha whenever i was free. Den read manga like crazy. Den watch anime like nothing else i can do bsides dat. Den like that lor.

Totally utilised my time ! :)

I love my current life from bottom of my heart.

It's busy but i am happy. Probably coz i enjoy my life ? or...i reli grow alot of love to psychology...

That's why. I'm tired but i nvr tot of giving up. I just heart it.

Anyway, it's DECEMBER NOW.

 i still got my finals to go while every frens of mine have done with theirs :C ! * sniff sniff*

i wana finish this exam a.s.a.p.

den have nice n easy break ! and shopping. and sleeping. and lepaking. and yumcha'ing.

i will post a proper post next time,

when i m free. and feel like to do so =P

Don't ask me Am i Okay or Am i alrite when u leave me no choices to choose

x

Don't ask me so many Qs. I might not able to answer. Coz i m not a saint.

What's more I doubt a Saint knows everything.

x

Can u grow up ? or bit a lil more mature ?

x

Can u be honest to urself and to us- ur frens ?

x

Can i have more times for myself so that i can do whatever i like for myself ?

at least for a day ?

x

Can i be irresponsible too ? Coz i need some rest as well.

x

Can i say ' I dunno' at all times and be like u all ?

x

Perhaps. I am being too strict to myself.

i'm feeling...Indifferent.

Blank.

Just in case u dunno, im undergoing premature midlife crisis :S ( at least datz why i told my frens lar..)

If u dunno wadz midlife crisis, google it by yourself yah. im not goin to explain it here.

Just plain lazy to explain it =/

I got a feeling dat

The more i learnt...the i more i found out i actually, reli, do not know anything.

Knowlegde deprivation ? Oh well, i do crave for knowlegde now...

So that i do not have to crack my encephalone and drain out my CSF all times while there are assignments to be done...( Just in case u do not know again, i like to misuse my psychology knowlegde nowadays ... Don blame me or saying me show off or whatsoever...I jz found some of these terms are extremely expressive. Short n sweet, i would love to put it in this way.)

Oh yah. I have some issues ( not tissues) with one of my frens now...hmm. I do not know how to solve it...well, i should put it in this way : i just don have the courage or energy or whatsoever super power to face it now. and just as lazy as i am, i like to procrastinate.

and i found out,

i am busy hor. I tot itz da same goes to each n every Uni student.

and no, it is not.

My frens who study Biz is so damn free. Kind of jealous such free time nowadays lor.

Coz i have lost mine...

Such is life.

no. shud have said such is my life....

Yah, i m not supposed to be here yet i m here...

duh. wtheck.

看着已不会再响的手提..

心里突然有着莫名的伤感..

但是，同时，也有莫名的轻松...

今时不同往日了

我不再在乎了...

放下了，真的能走得更远。

I found this picture from a random mail.

The picture is telling :: You've been hurt, but that doesnt mean u r not able to fly again.

and i love this alot. Impactful to my heart :)

受伤了，还是能继续飞的。

加油啊。