: *: 欣 声 : * :

有时候，真的有时候而已...我会抱怨。

为什么我的妈妈给我一个这么不上不下的脑？ 要么，就让我笨到底，这样，我就不会有很高的要求，不用这么努力上学，过一些简单一点的生活，对自己的生活没什么太大的要求和成就； 要么，就让我聪明到极点，我就不需要天天盯着那些几乎是不可能得到的奖学金，不需要担心学费，自然而然有人会给我奖学金，不需要待在这里。

有时候，我会抱怨，为什么我不是来自有钱家庭。那样，管他有没有奖学金，我要去哪里读，就去哪里读。要买什么就买，要做什么就做。不需要那么顾虑那么多。我真的不喜欢这么约束的生活 =（

有时候真的很不甘心，为什么那些死蠢可以出国留学，而我则不能? 就算我考得进top uni, 我也没钱读...所以有时候我会想，我努力读书有什么鬼用啦，仍然只能困在这里。

可是，我也明白，也知道，我的生活比起很多人好很多。至少，我不必太担心金钱问题。至少，我没有家庭纠纷。至少，我是幸福的。至少，我还有选择，虽然不多，但是仍然有选择。我的生活，比上不足，但比下有很多的余。

生活就是这么不公平。我们总是无法得到双全的生活，得到我们所有想到的东西。
但是，也因为不公平，我才可以过着现在中庸的生活。

假如是公平的，也许，i don't deserve to have something i have now.

p/s:: 只想说些负气话。过后，再继续加油 =/

It seems that frens around me,one by one,has found their love one.

I hope they all can a good ending, with all my sincere and blessings =)

treasure ur love one if u happen to have one now

as for someone like me who has been alone for almost 19 years...

Gotta be someone is the best song to reflect our feeling and thoughts...U_U

Gotta be Someone

Nickelback

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this means too right, it's just like deja vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a (diamond did erupts?)
The wind shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

昨天...和朋友去看了《幸福万岁》。真的是一部很搞笑的电影 =D 值得一看。

过后...和朋友一起谈天，吃晚餐luhh. 很开心的是，kj 和 ol 有来eh...哈哈哈。我好久没有见到他们了...当我正想念他们的时候，他们竟然出现了 ^^ 可能是因为我们从小就认识...加上常一起玩，谈谈心事的...我会不习惯太久没和他们聚会。毕竟，他们是我信任的好朋友。有很多事我都告诉他们的，开心，不开心，都是告诉他们的。

可是阿可是

林伟亮。你可不可以不要每次见到我都问我感情问题？ 哈哈哈哈。 我都数不会说的 =P 但是我答应你，假如我有了男朋友，我会第一时间update 你，好吗？ 哈哈...希望你不是永远最'latest" 知道消息的人了。嘻。

然后，我刚刚从另外一个gang 的朋友家回来...

他们和我现在的gang是截然不一样的。 在他们面前和我现在一起出去的朋友面前，我也是不同的人。所说的话题全都不一样。

可是，我也很喜欢他们 =)

和他们在一起，我会听到很多很多不同的故事和笑话...做更疯狂的事情。哈哈。

毕竟，我们曾是互相的栋梁，一起度过了很多难关.....也是他们，让我成长很多，学到很多不同的东西，知道社会的另一面。

我感谢也感激我现在所有的朋友们。假如当初不认识他们，没有他们，那也没有现在的我。

bobo is da worst fren dat i hav ever met. I hate him...

coz..

又是一篇关于时间的博文。

岁月的流去，让我尝试了很多东西。甜，酸，苦，辣都不缺。同时，也让我知更多，了解更多。

有些事情，我真的很希望没发生过。很遗憾的，我是改变不了过去。

有些事情，我真的很不想我不知道。 有时，知道少一些，生活会变得更好。 少些忧虑，过得更快乐。

可是，比起很多人，我真的很好运了。这是因为 ...我还没正正式式尝试生死离别的滋味。我的祖宗，亲戚全都很健壮。所以...我更担心，更怕时间的流去...我很怕长大。因为我一天一天长大，我的家人一天一天变老。终有一天，我得面对离别的滋味。

我不想。也很不舍。

我还不愿意长大，不愿意离开我的家人，不愿意面对现实。

我知道我这样的想法很幼稚。

可是，除了珍惜现在所有的一切之外，我还能做些什么？

有时候，我很想出国留学； 有时候，我却不舍得离开我的温暖小家。

假如，我出国一年...哪怕一年，只是半年能让我哭得稀里哗啦。 可是，我是不会在我的父母面前哭。因为，他们会比我更伤心。

有时候，我恨不得离开马来西亚； 有时候，我却对马来西亚依依不舍。毕竟，这里是我成长的地方。我的家人和朋友全都在这里...

我不想离开后，一切又要重新开始。我担心那时候我真的有心而力不足了。

我有好多的想和不想...而一切只有当时间来了我才能定下决心，狠狠做出决定。

我希望，也相信，也尽力，不会让我的生活有太多的遗憾。

* 哇哇哇...我的华语还不赖嘛~~~嘻嘻 =） *

糟糕

我发觉我的华语真的退步了....很多时候，我的句子构造是从华语翻译去英语。

譬如： A level is very expensive to study.

翻译： A level 很贵读。

（结果我的朋友浩业一直笑我的语病。看到花，说花很美买。==）

怎么办？

现在英文半桶水， 莲华语都半桶水了。

我本还打算在5 或6 月的时候考中国华语文凭的。

从今天开始

我要天天阅读华文报！

我要....

eh, wanna improve my mandarin

how to say in mandarin?

我要——我的华语？

那天唱歌没唱到....

恋人未满

S.H.E

为什么只和你能聊一整夜
为什么才道别就又想见面
在朋友里面就数你最特别
总让我觉得很亲很贴
为什么你在意谁陪我逛街
为什么你担心谁对我放电
你说你对我,比别人多一些
却又不说是多哪一些
友达以上恋人未满
甜蜜心烦,愉悦混乱
我们以后会变怎样
我迫不及待想知道答案
再靠近一点就让你牵手
再勇敢一点我就跟你走
你还等什么时间已经不多
再下去只好只作朋友
再向前一点点我就会点头
再冲动一点点我就不闪躲
不过三个字别犹豫这么久
只要你说出口你就能拥有我
为什么你寂寞只想要我陪
为什么我难过只肯让你安慰
我们心里面明明都有感觉
为什么不敢面对
我不相信
都动了感情却到不了爱情
那么贴心却进不了心底
你能不能快一点决定
对我说我爱你
(真爱永恒）

aiks. I AM HERE AGAIN coz i'm stuck in my assignments...zzz......

well. i duno how to apply all da economics' theories n concepts into my assignment =(

and

my psychology assignment is a hard one. i have no idea what to do with it yet. btw, da topic for my assignment is Drinking: attitudes and actions. LOL. so coincident. i am an alcholic. i enjoy drinking =P BUT i dunno why i drink...and actions after drinking???? ermmm. maybe will talk more. haha.

. . .

recently

i am surrouded by saddening news from frens...aiks...they broke up vf their ex-es.

i think i have good frens, seriously a very good one and they deserve better. BUT, always, they are da ...can't tell they are victim...errmm...they are da one get hurted da most.

i reli...dunno what to say about it. Just think...my frens deserve better.

And, i think...when u fall in love...coz u fall for him/her attractiveness; when u can keep up da relationship n it lasts for long, coz u can withstand him/her weaknesses while u r being with him/her.

it's so hard to have a good, stable relationship. Appreciate it if u have it.

. . .

erm

i am reading P/S: i Love u currently. It's a nice.....somehow saddening book.

sigh.

ermm...what do u think and how do u think whenever u wish ppl happy bdae or vice versa?

I, wish my fren happy bdae not coz it's him/her bdae on certain day..

not coz coz it's his o her bdae, so i just wish them.

i wish them, wish my frens n family happy bdae

coz

i m happy and glad for their very own existance.

my "happy bdae'' roughly translate into ::

i am happy u r born in this world.

i am happy that u r here.

i am happy that i know u.

i am happy that u exist.

That's y i like to wish my frens Happy Bdae.

Coz they are in the world n color my existance.

=)

that's my defination of Happy Bdae xD

don celebrate just for fun o ...it's bdae so u celebrate it.

find a meaning behind every celebration.

p/s :: 红叶， i will oni wish u happy bdae on ur bdae. and i hope u will wish me happy bdae on my bdae :P

没有人要内疚 没需要原宥
在十字街头 就相互保佑
那些体贴问候 那美丽镜头
没必要一分开 就变成了诅咒
相爱这一场 可能是为了
能拥有一个好朋友
还是好朋友 比爱人长久
不能牵的手按在心头
在最寂寞的关头 永远在左右
事过情迁后 升华眼泪后
思念是最漫长的享受
那无痛的伤口
还带着温柔到白头
亲吻失去感受 火花烧到尽头
没有激情 没有感情
有另一种邂逅
是什么叫你我
只配做一对好朋友

不知道为什么...我听到这首音乐到我想哭。

可能

是因为感触太深了。

心很酸。

issssssssshh.

i'm here again coz i don hav mood to do assigments =.=

nononononnoo. it's not a good sign.

aiks...i shud b writing my reflective essay...but uncontrollably, im here again >< place dat i use to divert my focus or...excuse to delay my hw....i wanted to write da essay but ...aiyar...ilham belum datang lagi. so lepak awhile at here 1st larh =P

Due to my reflective essay is abt who am I and what's my self concept and self esteem...suddenly i feel like wana jot down what i like here =)

I like ppl call my by my chinese name.

Seriously i do. Nowadays i use my name to categorize my name. Call me by chinese name --> close frens from secondary skul ( n oni they know )...by my english or bm name --> new frens such as college frens...(some don even bother wad my chinese name is...hiah...)

I like ppl to touch my head.

Of coz, restricted to my frens oni. not ppl i hate. not strangers. Y i like it? jz da adore da feeling of it...dat's all..

I like to listen music. more than listen to songs.

I like d song In Another Life. Having empathy towards dat song.

I like potatoes. Any form of potatoes food will do :)

I like anime. I like japanese culture.

I like berries.

I like to talk. But not to everyone.

I like to read. Especially comments on photos. Coz i like to analyse da responses.

I like to Appear Off9.

I like to say " if dunno ar...ma learn it lorh..." to myself. coz i blif there is nth dat i cant do, jz things dat i don wan to do.

I like to hug =)

I like to walk. Da oni exercise dat i will not feel tired. And, it's benefial for my shopping trip *winkz*

I like to go library. Alone. Owaiz alone. Coz i enjoy my freedom there.

I like to a song's lyrics b4 i like da song.

I like to sleep nevertheless.

I like to sms. Way to divert my loneliness at nite.

I like to take photos. though i don owaiz do it.

I like to hang out n cari makan.

I like to say '' i wana gam fei''. wondering when can i stop saying it.

I like to analyse actions n responses toward ppl.

I like to gap zai. bleh =P

I like to shop. Don mind if i shop alone sometime. Jz indulge da moment of it.

I like to wish frens and family happy bdae.

I like my freedom.

I like my hair.

I like my shoez.

I like GREEN color.

I like my life.

I like everything I possess now.

I like you. I wish to say. Yet, hvnt found some1 for me to say it out.

p/s:: lol...don ask me abt my relationship thingy whenever u meet me la...haha...if i happen to hv a crush o bf, i definately will tell u de larh =D      so, i din say anything abt it yet = i don hav aim yet luhh.

常常看到 有些人...在别人面前总是很斯文的，很有礼貌....可是阿 ，注意下他们在家里的一面，却完完全全不一样的。

常常听到有人说阿...那个谁谁谁很斯文，很淑女...和我完全不一样。哈！

那是当然的啦~！ 我，是为我自己而活，不是为了面子，形象而活。 假如为了别人的想法而活，那么对我来说，人生是完全无乐趣了。

假如你是开心的...那么就尽管笑出来吧 ! 没有必要在旁边偷偷笑，控制自己什么的。

想哭，就哭。有什么情绪，感想想说出来，就说吧。假如想一个人，那么就告诉那个人，你想他。有什么真心想说就说...不要太压抑自己。

当别人给予你意见，负面评语时，不要脸黑黑的，自以为是。要开心地接受，感谢那些人给予成长的机会。

假如那些人是真正想当你的朋友的，那么他们是可以完全的接受你。

没有必要为了fit in 而改变自己； 没有必要为了别人而变得那么虚假 。

不要天天带面具过人生阿。

偶尔为了工作难免会变得虚假， 可是...在家人，朋友面前，不要不要不要不要不要那么虚假。也许你认为没人发现你很假，可是事实上，只是没有人开口说你虚假，装作。

Oh, oh
Mhm
Oh, oh
Yeah yeah
Oh, oh
Ooooh

Two o'clock and I wish that I was sleeping
You're in my head like a song on the radio
All I know is I gotta get next to you
Yeah I gotta get next to you
Sitting here turning minutes in the hours
To find the nerve just to call you on the telephone
Cuz you don't know that I gotta get next to you

Maybe we're friends, maybe we're more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby, call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I, just gotta get next to you

Oh, oh
Oh, oh

Asked around and I heard that you were talking
Told my girl that you thought I was out of your league
What a fool, I gotta get next to you
Oh, yeah
It's five in the morning and I can't go to sleep
Cuz I wish, yeah I wish you knew what you mean to me
Baby, let's get together and end this mystery

Maybe we're friends, maybe we're more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby, call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I, just gotta get next to you

Whatcha gotta say
Watcha gotta do
How you get the one you want
To wanna get next to you
Watcha gotta say
Watcha gotta do
How you get the one you want
To wanna get next to you
Watcha gotta say
Watcha gotta do
How you get the one you want
To wanna get next to you
Watcha gotta say
Watcha gotta do
How you get the one you want
To wanna get next to you, yeah yeah
To wanna get next to you

Maybe we're friends, maybe we're more
Maybe it's just my imagination
But I see you stare just a little too long
And it makes me start to wonder
So baby, call me crazy
But I think you feel it too
So baby, call me crazy
But I know you feel it too
Maybe I, Maybe I, just gotta get next to you

Oh, oh
Yeah
Oh, oh
Next to you
Oh, oh
Yeah
I gotta get next to you

hmm. 一月要来了。怎么办？

我真的很想开学了。因为...一个月的假期真的很无聊。每天起来都不知道做什么好，到最后就选择睡觉算了。

至少开学....我有东西忙，可以有目标的活着。我不喜欢这样无所事事的假期阿...

以前还在中学放假时，至少我还可以去补习，至少我还有功课可以温习。现在呢？ 我每天都读小说而已。现在读完全部小说了，可是没有钱买新的...又到回不知道有什么东西做的阶段...所以，还是开学最好。

新的一年

我有几个小小的愿望，希望可以达成。

Whoa. It's december and im updating my blog =P  ( for Ptee. hehe)

well. i've finished my 2nd sem,which was my happiest moment ever since i've entered HELP UC.

Truly, 2nd sem is like....ughhh....i hate it. it's so busy and burdening. but my mum don tink so. she accused me din feel sam fu at all......coz i still got the time for movies and yumcha xD  aiyor mama.u wont want me to be a nerd. Rite? If there is one day i'll bcome a nerd n wont go out anymore.....it must da day i finally rmb  to take my medicine for being normal =P

Though,haha,to be honest, i din reli spend time reading on my notes...i still nid to do assignments. bunch of assignments.when all da assignments due on da same day...i was like...gonna crazy and gonna cry at the same time. STRESS. But now, im glad finally i've passed this sem ady.I SURVIVE after passing all the trials n tribulations. WHOOHOO.

i got my temporary happy n freedom for now =)

p/s:: thanks hottie mama, sexy mama and fish for helping me in cts assignments =D u guys are so great.

Then...since huici n nelson talked abt scholarship ceremony in their blogs...i wana say sth too. Dat day reli damn pai seh la wei! when i stepped up the stage to get my 'cert' , my frens kena me 99 by shouting LENG LUI. Then da all people in the hall LOOKED at me. Reli...so pai seh la...afterall im a shy gal lai de marh.....aiyer....

to be honest,yala, i enjoy all the 'whoohoo' when im goin to stage la...i like cheers =) but i din expect 'leng lui' larh. dat was toooo embarassing ><

ya, though it's a formal ceremony....we still behaved like...it's a party.haha. Getting scholarship is sth dat v shud b happy n proud of rite? haha. so there is no wrong for our behaviours =P . wad's for being so serious all the time?? At least i got fun memories to treasure in my later year. hehe.

Then then...im working at PC fair. Come n find me. Hehe.

ANd, quite alot of things have happened....but i cant recall any of them now. so just wait for my nex post.'

ALSO, I WILL FIND HIM BEFORE I GROW OLD. I SWEAR.

SIGH. it's midterm exam again.

i seriously hate exam.

Reasons::

1.EXAM = GUILTY SMASHER.

i feel like...im obligated to stay at home during exam week...haha...though i wont study,still, i will stay at home...i will feel guilty if i go out >< just stay at home. read novel watch anime. bete than go out.

2.EXAM = my DREAM BREAKER.

exam...make me eat ALOT. i mean it. ALOT. Appetite just bcame enormously big during exam week...>< i'll keep on finding food to eat....barely can concentrate if i don eat. yeah. bad habit. right. tak payah gam fei again.

3. EXAM = SLEEP INDUCER.

normally , ppl wil feel stress durin exam n folo by ensuing insonmia. But, Me ...paiseh-ly tell u dat...i will sleep more than normal days do. LOL. exam ma...must sleep more so dat have enuf energy to use when answering Qs.

4. EXAM = FUN SPOILER.

i tink this will apply to everyone...just cant enjoy well during exam. NOt dat i feel stress...it's just...i will guilty and bad AGAIN if i enjoy too much. freaky me.

to conclude, exam is VILLAIN.

P/S:: i finished my advanced english exam ady...1st time. i worry i cant even score half of the total marks. It's super duper HARD....sobx.

bless me.