This post is going to be my Bye Bye post to this blog.
Dear blog,
Thanks for being with me for so long.
Thanks for giving me a place to express any unhappiness.
Thanks for giving me a space to breath and relax whenever i am so stressed up.
Thanks for listening to all my babbling without making me feel bad.
Thanks for everything.
Dear my readers,
Thanks for reading :)
I've decided to leave. To move on.
This blog is way too sad.
The memories here are bittersweet, er, no, it is bitter more than sweet.
I've decided to leave and live at present and future.
I do not want to be all tied up with my sad pasts.
SO,
BYE BYE ! :)
I will live a livelier life, happier life from now onwards !
:D
]]>]]>
Screw you, who always thought that you understand me but actually you don't at all.
]]>=(
]]>
这是我第一次觉得心理学的考试很难考
处处感到压力一直在压迫者自己
心脏一直加速,加速,加速,为了让身体得到足够的氧气
我一直,一直深呼吸,就好像担心自己会随时喘不过气,随时离开人间 =.=|||
笨蛋压力
你可以走开吗
我只想考好我的考试,为什么你就是喜欢缠着我
噎!
]]>and here I am, gonna proceed to my sophomore year in two days time...
Geez. Time flies and always catches me in surprise. When i was so basking in what I am doing, time slips. When i notice this slip of time, it always doom me with loads of surprises...
How i wish Time can just stop awhile, let me have a chance to stop awhile too, let me get a chance to breath without worrying anything in the world.
x
Looking back the past time thru my posts, i've realised I have changed pretty lots...
x
Oh geez, i hope i can grow stronger as time flows. I hope i wont lose myself easily after awhile again...
Always, always need to remind myself to look back while moving forward.
]]>damn. some psychological theories just kick into my mind ><
bad bad bad habit. it just like....i will reli pay attention on the movie, analyse it, thinkin and finding reasons for each behaviours
wad de hell !
Ahh... this is the consequence when u reli into psychology huh. Kenneth shud love such a promosing student like me horh :P
]]>
What if
I'm born with mesmerizing beautiful and face and sizzling hot body
Will i have a happier life?
Will i laugh more than i do now?
Will i have better than what i have now?
Convince me . Outlooking is not important.
Convince me !
]]>Oh well, it's Chinese New Year again...and this holy festive had me gone through alot of dilemma each day.
Everyday, everyday of this week, before i go out, i will have to think should i go or not. What pulling me behind is the coming midterm and assignments due date * roll eyes*
And, eventually, i will choose to go out. Reason? frens weigh more than study during this cny perhaps?
I'm thinking, if i don't get to see them, play with them in this CNY, do I still got such a chance in comin years, especially with some many frens around?
Answer is probably No.
So, there I go. Say BB to my text book and assignment and chao to frens' hse... By the time i get home, it probably is ard 4am already =/ such a lifestyle makes me damn lethargic these 2 days. Serve me right though =.=lll
During the house visiting, i notice that my temper gets worse. My tolerance is decreasing. Ughh. Trivial matters piss me off easier and easier...pathetic huh.
Also, life seems not easy for some of my friends easily. Listening to them and their stories make me feel so powerless as i cannot do anything about wad had happened on them, but listen and only listen to them. I hate this kind of feeling of inadequate...That's why. I decided, i wont study counseling when comes to my master course. This is useless. So useless.
Maybe. I'm just get tired of everything now. I'm tired.
]]>Nobody is a virgin.
Life fucks everyone.
The more i read this quote, the more i like it !
It reflects everyone's life.
Everyone has a screwed up moment in their life, no ?
My life is no good recently.
no good.
Pray for me. Thank you.
]]>The thought kicked in when i was reading news about Haidi's earthquake :(
Looking at the sad victims' face, wounds, agony, what i can do is feeling sad over it. Nothing else.
This has left me feel so mou yong, so incompetent, so useless.
Ugh.
I have no religion. So, even if i wish to pray for them, i do not know who should I pray to.
..........
This is why how i wish i am a nurse or whatsoever medic related practitioner so that i am able to give helps to whose are really in deed right now.....
Emo now.
]]>
" Don't compare your life with others.
'Coz u have no idea what their journeys lead to. "
So true.
But how many of us realise that?
Alot of us love to compare our lives with others, get jealous over richer life, or always complain that his/her life is so bad as compared to others.
I wonder, why some people just are not able to treasure what they have right now?
x
On the other hand, there are people who always compare their life with poorer people and thinking it is so lucky that they are not in the poor's shoes. Worse comes to worst, some even look down at others' life.
Self-fulling and self-centered thoughts like these will lead these kinds of people to have a tumultuous change in the future. We will not know the change is good or bad before the arrival of that.
Balance ya way of thinking.
='(
Photography somehow resembles the reality of life. Most of the time, U r not given second chance once u miss out the given opportunity, or u make a mistake.
Sometime, things just happen out of sudden and u have to be alert and flexible enough to make the best decision in the blink of eyes.
Just like the fireworks photograph that i have taken back then.
It was a pain in the ass. Seriously. Coz it was such a failure.
Looking at these photos, it had me reckoned those regrettable yet unchangeable decisions and mistakes that i have made in life.
There is no retake for most of the moments in life.
All i have captured is the scene after firing of fireworks. Just like how i stand still at the point i made mistake, feel regret over the mistake.
Pointless.
I started my new year with sorrow.
=/
]]>
新的开始? 哈哈!好老土的说话!
对我而言,新的一年不是新的开始。
所谓新的开始是当你下定决心改变自己的那一刻。
无论是好是坏,那才是新的开始,因为,你做了个会改变你的人生的决定。
我啊。还没有有最新的开始。
寻找着下一个决定 :)
一个我不会后悔的决定。
]]>
人生犹如厕纸,所以,没事不要乱扯
乱扯了,不要以为每一句对不起可以换来一句没关系
扯了,烂了,是卷不回去的
无法回复原型
这就是人生, 你能奈他如何?
]]>
ASSUMPTION KILLS
it kills me. kills my heart. kills my trust.
it just kills everything of me.
it takes away everything of me from u.
it engulfs your brain that u cannot think rationally.
i never know telling what I think about something is considered as back-stabbing.
i never know only me is not allowed to speak out my thoughts.
i never know.
From now on, i will remain solemn n silent.
shut my heart up.
If that's what all of u what.
]]>i totally skipped November :O
Having a busy life huh.
However, i've managed to survive *Grin*
Here am I. still. alive. Takin deeeep deeeep breath. HAh ! feeeling fresh !!
November. Busy. Why. Assignments lor.
Then nida attend experiments. Den attended workshops. Den went to camp. Den celebrated besties' bdae. Den went to colloquium. Den yumcha whenever i was free. Den read manga like crazy. Den watch anime like nothing else i can do bsides dat. Den like that lor.
Totally utilised my time ! :)
I love my current life from bottom of my heart.
It's busy but i am happy. Probably coz i enjoy my life ? or...i reli grow alot of love to psychology...
That's why. I'm tired but i nvr tot of giving up. I just heart it.
Anyway, it's DECEMBER NOW.
i still got my finals to go while every frens of mine have done with theirs :C ! * sniff sniff*
i wana finish this exam a.s.a.p.
den have nice n easy break ! and shopping. and sleeping. and lepaking. and yumcha'ing.
i will post a proper post next time,
when i m free. and feel like to do so =P
]]>Don't ask me Am i Okay or Am i alrite when u leave me no choices to choose
x
Don't ask me so many Qs. I might not able to answer. Coz i m not a saint.
What's more I doubt a Saint knows everything.
x
Can u grow up ? or bit a lil more mature ?
x
Can u be honest to urself and to us- ur frens ?
x
Can i have more times for myself so that i can do whatever i like for myself ?
at least for a day ?
x
Can i be irresponsible too ? Coz i need some rest as well.
x
Can i say ' I dunno' at all times and be like u all ?
x
Perhaps. I am being too strict to myself.
]]>Blank.
Just in case u dunno, im undergoing premature midlife crisis :S ( at least datz why i told my frens lar..)
If u dunno wadz midlife crisis, google it by yourself yah. im not goin to explain it here.
Just plain lazy to explain it =/
I got a feeling dat
The more i learnt...the i more i found out i actually, reli, do not know anything.
Knowlegde deprivation ? Oh well, i do crave for knowlegde now...
So that i do not have to crack my encephalone and drain out my CSF all times while there are assignments to be done...( Just in case u do not know again, i like to misuse my psychology knowlegde nowadays ... Don blame me or saying me show off or whatsoever...I jz found some of these terms are extremely expressive. Short n sweet, i would love to put it in this way.)
Oh yah. I have some issues ( not tissues) with one of my frens now...hmm. I do not know how to solve it...well, i should put it in this way : i just don have the courage or energy or whatsoever super power to face it now. and just as lazy as i am, i like to procrastinate.
and i found out,
i am busy hor. I tot itz da same goes to each n every Uni student.
and no, it is not.
My frens who study Biz is so damn free. Kind of jealous such free time nowadays lor.
Coz i have lost mine...
Such is life.
no. shud have said such is my life....
]]>duh. wtheck.
]]>
This is how I look like right before exam and assignment due date...
]]>
心里突然有着莫名的伤感..
但是,同时,也有莫名的轻松...
今时不同往日了
我不再在乎了...
放下了,真的能走得更远。
]]>
We went to 2 different restaurants : Malaysia & HJ Samuri.
Malaysia's one is NiCE !! :)
i love the chicken's satay there. It's well marinated. teeeheee *drool*
It serves Chicken Wing as well but it is not well marinated as its satay. I only tasted the honey sweetness on the outer skin of the chicken wing, but tasted nothing in the meat itself.
1. The peanut sauce comes with the satay makes the satay even tastier :D 2. Otak- otak !! a nice one too ! 3. Chicken Wings. So So lor.
Hj's samuri's SUX * Vomit*
Its beef satay was so hard to bite till my fren just chose to give up biting it and vomitted it out in the toilet =S
Don't go this place. Trust me. Its satay is expensive, and most importantly, it is not nice at all !!
Ban this restaurant from my life 4va lorh =X
• The end of the satay post •
Sayonara people !!
It's 2.24am. Time to oii ooiiii. Just bless me wont oversleep tml larh =P
]]>I always need to sleep more. I'm sleep deprived. Bla.Like hell no one knows =/
Look at my dark circles below my eyes. It is getting darker day by day. Rmb once i was in Sasa and looking for concealer, but the Sasa Beauty counsultant recommended me some sort of eye gel to reduce my dark circles instead of concealer.
Coz she said, there is NO CONCEALER that ables to conceal my dark circles T___________T
. . .
In fact, i can always opt to sleep earlier.
But, if i sleep earlier, i cannot finish my works. To solve this dilemma, i gotta reduce my outings which is impossible larh. ( siao meh. don't go out. I will bored to max weih)
So, in my case, it's sort of dai ngor sei o.O
. . .
And trust me. I hate myself for blogging here coz it takes away my sleeping time even more.
Yet, i love to blog whenever i tend to run away from the works i have :D
De-stress kononnya.
. . .
I have an adrupt thought such as wishing myself is in my Year 3. doing last sem already.
Coz, i started to sense all the coming works will be heavier and heavier...
*Breathes*
I can do it !!
Yah yah, stop whining mar. I know. Save all the complaining energy for my works mar.
So i mai stop it now lor. Bleh.
Chao to my works now. No more procrastination. Hopefully.
]]>
The picture is telling :: You've been hurt, but that doesnt mean u r not able to fly again.
and i love this alot. Impactful to my heart :)
受伤了,还是能继续飞的。
加油啊。
]]>Geez. Time flies huh. All the assignments started to haunt me day in and day out adi =X
1st weeK: Still very dak han one. Sumore got extra time to be bullied by people =l
Look at my hand...=( Those ppl who think they are so artistic drew one. Poor me this lil gal who is just vulnerable ...
2nd week: Started to oversleep again. Heheheheh. Okay. Shudn't hee. It's not sthg i shud proud of =P
Took photo while driving. Sky is what i love the most :)
Dunno since when... i just have the habit of taking photo of Sky.
3rd Week: Started to be busyyyyy liao. Wuuu T.T
Seeeee what i did during class. Origami. Hehe. To release streeeeeesss kononnya =P
and seeeee my classmate !! Sleeeppppp. Uh-Ohh. Bad student =X
and for past 3 weeks and i m sure for coming weeks too, i'll have to face such traffic jam just outside the mainblock EVERY MORNINGG... Sienzzzz !!
And this is what I did in Career Guidance's class :) Drawinggg ~ Whee~ And the title is :: My IDEAL college.
Well, it's actually a personality test which named as Leonard Personality Inventory.
This picture ( with Ms.Yeo's analysis + Explaination) has showed me a vvvvvvvvvvvery creative person. In fact, I am too creative to the extend of talking nonsense alottttt. Hehe. I found this so true larh :D So, frens, bear with me if i crap alott. This is just my personality, nothing much I can do about it nor i wanna do sthg about it. Woohooo =P
i'm proud to be who i wanna be right now.
4th week :: time to kemaskan my mood for all the coming assignments' due dates and tests !
Ganbatte ! To me, and to everyone * winkz*
]]>Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya ~~ Wheee~~
Holidaysssss are here !! though oni 2 days nia...damn potong steam =/
How ya guys spend these 2 days of holiday?
Me leh. Went to Genting with my whole extended family. Heh.
This is my cousin, Zee, and Yan.
Poor us. For goodness's sake, we are both underage and thus...
we were left behind by our papa and mama and cousins n their bf and their gf who went to Casino..
End up. We 2 lepak-ed in Genting. Shopped Around. But good also lar. I bought new shirt again. heh.
p/s: I saw a shirt with a print writing :: I'm surrounded by Idiots. ! Gosh. I love this alottt and would love to buy it !! But, provided i got money again la =X
Also, we managed to squeeze ourselves out to First World and enjoyed a 1o-minute long Bunga Api!
Sigh. I dunno why I DIDN'T BRING MY CAMMIE ALONG !
=(
Only managed to take such a lousy picture of Bunga Api... These bunga api reli darn nice oneeee..
I like the one will pop out with Flying Bird shape one especially.
But, too bad, my fon with oni 2.0 mega pixels and damn slow shutter speed is not able to capture such a short, yet memerizing moment :(
Sad Case larh.
Tapi, tak apa larh...i have them all in my brain :D Come and Disect my brain if u wanna to see the bunga api !
Also, i tak berapa suka Genting liao...Damn. It's full of Seafoooood =S
Love your family more coz they are who God provides and preserve for ya :)
You're unable to go anywhere without them.
Never ever.
]]>Yahhh
I WANNA GIVE UP ON YOU,HATRED.
I WANNA AND GONNA GIVE UP ON YOU.
COZ YOU MADE ME REAL TIRED :(
AND BRING NO GOOD TO ME
YOU HAVE BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR SO LONG
SO I'VE DECIDED
TO LET GO OF YOU
I KNOW IT'S NOT EASY.
BUT I WILL DO MY BEST TO LET GO OF U.
MAY PEACE, I MEAN, MORE PEACE COMES TO MY LIFE =)
and, only peace that i wanna embrace for life !
]]>
Sistahs for life ! * GRIN*
]]>i have been thinking alot these 2 days. And i realise, my recent life revolves around my close frens alot.
Everywhere i go and everything i do will remind me of my dear friends.
KFC will remind me of how much JY hates it and how he fall asleep after seeing its ad in cinema.
Aman Puri Ramlee Burger will remind me of how me n js n wq da bao it den went to wq's casa after it...
then we ate it while chatting 2geda throughout the whole nite.
Cinema will remind me of how were we watching movies 2geda :) It has been a long time since all of us watched movie together though :(
To be frank, i miss that kind of feeling lar.
There are too many memories are recalled back on my mind now.
They are so nostalgic and sweet to me right now...
Our gang is splitting as all of us started to head to our life goals.
But, by fate, i believe we will have reunion again someday.
At time being, lets work hard 2geda to achieve what we want :)
vix, hc, sheena, me
We have been enduring alot of hardships 2geda...and now,i hope we still can do same 2geda in the future !
Guys. Err...aka future engineers and accountants ! :)
OKay. My frens in my gang mostly are guys. Thanks to them , i know to play L4D =P
and bobo is my sifu of L4D ><
Because of them,
I have my interesting life =]
I am so grateful and thankful for having them as my friends.
Without them, i m not who I am right now *winks*
]]>and i m so regret over ffk-ed them.
There are times i take them for granted.
I thought we still got lots of time
I thought they are always will be here
I thought it is okay to ffk la, still got nex week la.
But now
i just realise, it is not like that.
And i only realise when one of the frens has to leave us for study now...
I just realise
We don't have much time.
Truly have to appreciate every moments that we can have with our friends now.
I don wanna hv such a regret again.
I got this poem from ek...
天地之间,好友相聚 送别熟悉,迎面新境
下肚之酒,使愁更愁。 君子回头,旧景一览。
无言之际,言藏与心 千感交汇,不及所融
不知何时,能聚于此 里藏不舍,叹感于气。
散洒天下,以圆宏志。 终此之意,肩上职责
之所以然,离别尽伤 须汝明之,持之扶之。
宴席将尽,离别之刻 一心决意,无用改之
席位如常,待友聚之。 别离旧途,启程新道。
thanks for sharing it with me when i m so down....=)
I have been neglecting my friends for weeks.
I ffk-ed them alot, especially Vickz.
Reason ?
Working and doing famine stuff lo.
Everytime they ask me to go out...
I checked my organiser and it is empty on that day.
So i said ON larh.
But it owaiz ended up either i spent my days in office, or at home doing my stuff,
or simply too tired to go out.
And once again, i ffk-ed them.
It has been weeks i didnt go out for yumcha lo.
Especially in August. Not free for every weekends.
=(
Sorry larh my friends.
Sorry.
My life will become normal again after this.
From today onwards, I'll adjust my life again.
And no more ffk. I promise ...=)
and i miss you guys badly ;(
]]>A month later, here i am, still talking about it ! =)
Finally, it ended ! *robust applause*
and here comes my HOLIDAY xD
And most importantly, all of our hard works paid off.
=)
I learnt alot throughout the whole event, from the process of preparing it til running this event.
It is never easy. Never ever easy.
But, we managed to make it a success with all the commitment, co-operation and hard works from everyone of the committees, volunteers as well as campers.
Thank you !
for all of u who made a difference to my life :)
and, welcome, my 2nd sem !
]]>
Welllllll. Yea. Personal Assistant of my boss sound cool. But, the actual workload is not cool at all ==
In the beginning, i've had very easy going days... Spent my time in facebook'ing in the office, or sitting at the sofa, doing nothing but daydreaming throughout the whole day... It's quite dull and boring. Sometime, i just wonder why my boss wanna hire me...
But now, i know it already. The works are coming in one by one at the same time...Dealing with all the unfamiliar things such as applying for franchising license and business license stressed me out totally...and, at the same time, i have to be replacement teacher ( P/s: i work in tuition centre)... Life is getting harder now =( Nevermind, it's a very good experience anyway :)
And, i have been thinking, can i really be a good teacher ?
i'm concerned and worried about it...i dunno whether my teaching method is correct or effective or not...what if it is ineffective ? Those kids' future is at stake. Sigh. I don wanna ruin all these kids' future.... that's why... i m scared...i dunno what i m doing now is correct or wrong.... i dunno how exactly should i do...i dunno...
Moreover, sometimes, all these kids are so noisy and naughty that it gonna drive me mad ! I didn't scold, didn't cane them though.. coz i don think it's the best to solve this issue...what i did is...i set rules with them and play along the rules with them. Well, they do behave better now. But, i dunno how long it can last...
What should i do ?
Sigh, I should not be a teacher...=(
]]>
Anyone is interested in it ???
ARE U ARE U ARE U??
COme la come la come la. JOin la JOin la Join la. Have fun together ma :)
We are part of the committeeessssss this year =)
Some friends asked me.
Why I join it ? 30 hour din eat. Gam fei?
Sorry my frens. Empty ur tummy for 30 hours cant gam fei one :) though i hope it can ...><
I join, because, i think this is what i can do to help people who in needs currently. I just do what i can do. That's all.
And, I hope more people can join it. Believe it or not. Ur lil sacrification can bring a great difference to others life :) That's the paradigm i m holding on to now. And that's why i join it .
Then they asked sumore. Y i wanna b committee leh. Cari pasal saja...><
Hmmmmmm. I wanna say that is exactly WHY i wanna be committee. If everyone oso takut pasal, hey, who gonna take the initiatives in making a change and contribute to this society ?
I just happened to be there, to be one of them who run this event. And, I'm so glad I am so in it now !
And then horh. When i ask my frens to join. Normally, the first reaction will be :: I CANNOT DONT EAT FOR 30 hours !
My friends. U know how sam fu not to eat for 30 hours. So, I'm so sure you can understand people who didnt eat more than 30 hours are even more sam fu, right ? That's why we are here, doing this, with a hope that we are able to reduce their sam-fu-ness. How about you ? =)
Then , then...some of them are hesitating now. Thinking should join or not. Yet, they worry they can't raise fund up to RM80.
Sigh... U not even start to raise the fund...how u know u cannot do it ? Never try, never know =) Just do your best and i m sure you can reach the target as long as you have the will to do it. Don't you think so? =)
What else i can talk about it...
Hmmmm. Just join it larh :)
We join it is not just for fun, but for the meaning behind the event .
Learn more about it at http://worldvision.com.my/famine2009/
We are waiting for you.
And we believe all of us got the power to change the world into a better one together.
=)
]]>
Aiyar just forget about it. Just don't feel like writing anything in mandarin now.
Past few days...
i've a turbulent change in my mood as if i got the Bipolor Disorder ==
And, i learnt alot. About my friends. About myself. About my limitations. About my weaknesses.
I'm not a saint, not Lord who can grant everyone what they wish for.
I'm an attention seeker. I need attentions. I need cares. I need the feeling of being cared. I need it badly,badly.
I am not as tough as I think I am.
I am still such a baby who like to cry when problems arise. As if crying can resolve the problems. HA !
I feel helpless when there's no one beside me... Coz i m afraid of loneliness...
I need to learn to be firm in someways.
I need to learn to tolerate more.
I need to learn be more patience.
Goodness...there are alot more for me learn just to be a better human being...When can I be a better human?
I hate to hurt myself, and my close ones. But I do it quite often nowadays =( which make me feel worse.
I start to devolop eating disorder, I guess. Coz i realise my eating habit is getting more and more abnormal...
It's still under control....but i dunno how long i can control it...
I learnt not to cling on my friends too tightly coz they will leave me one day. Leave my alone here... But true friends don't =)
Strength.
This is what i need the most right now.
Be strong and move on.
]]>It's so true.
When u always live up to others' expectation, being who they wanna u to be, u will get tired soon.
When u suppress everything, one day, u will burst out everything...
I am so tired, mentally...
Sometime, i just feel like giving up....
especially when i see no motivation of doing all the things...see no point doing all these things...
i wanna give up badly, badly.
It's hard to hold on all the times.
=(
]]>
i'm masked,apparently.
Camouflaging my heart
coz i'm not able to cast away the feelings i have now.
Befuddled.
]]>
As u guys know, Micheal Jackson passed away adi ;(
and everyone mourned for him, saying itz a great loss of him leaving the entertaiment industry.
and i am wondering
Why those people did not tell him about that while he was still alive?
When he was still alive, alot of ppl will only focus on his negative news, gossip n gossip, criticise n criticise about him like nobody business.
Now, he's gone. he reached his destination.
People only start to say '' they miz him'', ''they like him'', ''it's a waste'', ''they enjoy his music'' and so on...
Come on. If u reli think so, y don't tell him or show him ur care while he was still alive?
IF everyone say it out loud when he was still alive, give him positive encouragement while he was bearing all the stress from all over the world... perhaps, the ending might be different.
vain pot.
tell a person ur true feelings b4 it's too late...
]]>