Yahhh
I WANNA GIVE UP ON YOU,HATRED.
I WANNA AND GONNA GIVE UP ON YOU.
COZ YOU MADE ME REAL TIRED :(
AND BRING NO GOOD TO ME
YOU HAVE BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR SO LONG
SO I'VE DECIDED
TO LET GO OF YOU
I KNOW IT'S NOT EASY.
BUT I WILL DO MY BEST TO LET GO OF U.
MAY PEACE, I MEAN, MORE PEACE COMES TO MY LIFE =)
and, only peace that i wanna embrace for life ! 
Since JS went to Spore...
i have been thinking alot these 2 days. And i realise, my recent life revolves around my close frens alot.
Everywhere i go and everything i do will remind me of my dear friends.
KFC will remind me of how much JY hates it and how he fall asleep after seeing its ad in cinema.
Aman Puri Ramlee Burger will remind me of how me n js n wq da bao it den went to wq's casa after it...
then we ate it while chatting 2geda throughout the whole nite.
Cinema will remind me of how were we watching movies 2geda :) It has been a long time since all of us watched movie together though :(
To be frank, i miss that kind of feeling lar.
There are too many memories are recalled back on my mind now.
They are so nostalgic and sweet to me right now...
Our gang is splitting as all of us started to head to our life goals.
But, by fate, i believe we will have reunion again someday.
At time being, lets work hard 2geda to achieve what we want :)
vix, hc, sheena, me
We have been enduring alot of hardships 2geda...and now,i hope we still can do same 2geda in the future !
Guys. Err...aka future engineers and accountants ! :)
OKay. My frens in my gang mostly are guys. Thanks to them , i know to play L4D =P
and bobo is my sifu of L4D ><
Because of them,
I have my interesting life =]
I am so grateful and thankful for having them as my friends.
Without them, i m not who I am right now *winks*
It's too late to know i have been neglecting my frens di...
and i m so regret over ffk-ed them.
There are times i take them for granted.
I thought we still got lots of time
I thought they are always will be here
I thought it is okay to ffk la, still got nex week la.
But now
i just realise, it is not like that.
And i only realise when one of the frens has to leave us for study now...
I just realise
We don't have much time.
Truly have to appreciate every moments that we can have with our friends now.
I don wanna hv such a regret again.
I got this poem from ek...
天地之间，好友相聚 送别熟悉，迎面新境
下肚之酒，使愁更愁。 君子回头，旧景一览。
无言之际，言藏与心 千感交汇，不及所融
不知何时，能聚于此 里藏不舍，叹感于气。
散洒天下，以圆宏志。 终此之意，肩上职责
之所以然，离别尽伤 须汝明之，持之扶之。
宴席将尽，离别之刻 一心决意，无用改之
席位如常，待友聚之。 别离旧途，启程新道。
thanks for sharing it with me when i m so down....=)
I realise,
I have been neglecting my friends for weeks.
I ffk-ed them alot, especially Vickz.
Reason ?
Working and doing famine stuff lo.
Everytime they ask me to go out...
I checked my organiser and it is empty on that day.
So i said ON larh.
But it owaiz ended up either i spent my days in office, or at home doing my stuff,
or simply too tired to go out.
And once again, i ffk-ed them.
It has been weeks i didnt go out for yumcha lo.
Especially in August. Not free for every weekends.
=(
Sorry larh my friends.
Sorry.
My life will become normal again after this.
From today onwards, I'll adjust my life again.
And no more ffk. I promise ...=)
and i miss you guys badly ;(
I have started to work as Personal Assistant once i was done with my final exam.
Welllllll. Yea. Personal Assistant of my boss sound cool. But, the actual workload is not cool at all ==
In the beginning, i've had very easy going days... Spent my time in facebook'ing in the office, or sitting at the sofa, doing nothing but daydreaming throughout the whole day... It's quite dull and boring. Sometime, i just wonder why my boss wanna hire me...
But now, i know it already. The works are coming in one by one at the same time...Dealing with all the unfamiliar things such as applying for franchising license and business license stressed me out totally...and, at the same time, i have to be replacement teacher ( P/s: i work in tuition centre)... Life is getting harder now =( Nevermind, it's a very good experience anyway :)
And, i have been thinking, can i really be a good teacher ?
i'm concerned and worried about it...i dunno whether my teaching method is correct or effective or not...what if it is ineffective ? Those kids' future is at stake. Sigh. I don wanna ruin all these kids' future.... that's why... i m scared...i dunno what i m doing now is correct or wrong.... i dunno how exactly should i do...i dunno...
Moreover, sometimes, all these kids are so noisy and naughty that it gonna drive me mad ! I didn't scold, didn't cane them though.. coz i don think it's the best to solve this issue...what i did is...i set rules with them and play along the rules with them. Well, they do behave better now. But, i dunno how long it can last...
What should i do ?
Sigh, I should not be a teacher...=(
It's so true.
When u always live up to others' expectation, being who they wanna u to be, u will get tired soon.
When u suppress everything, one day, u will burst out everything...
I am so tired, mentally...
Sometime, i just feel like giving up....
especially when i see no motivation of doing all the things...see no point doing all these things...
i wanna give up badly, badly.
It's hard to hold on all the times.
=(
i'm masked,apparently.
Camouflaging my heart
coz i'm not able to cast away the feelings i have now.
Befuddled.
Recently, i have realised i am being so odd, so different from others.
I don't see things like how others see it. I don't feel like how others feel.
Simply maybe because i am the weird one out there.
Most of my frens shouted :: SO CUTE !!
BUt i wanna shout :: IT IS SO UNHAPPY. Itz eyes are so empty.
Yes, it is so adorable, but at the same time, i feel its sorrow somehow.
Holy shit. Now i am being to perasan to dogs already.
When hugging all the dogs, i dunno what in others' minds. But, in my mind, i am trying to feel what it feels.
And its heart is beating so damn fast dat make me pondering is it enjoying be with us, or is it feeling pain n panic while we were carrying it?
Geez. Too many negative emotions from me and around me.
can Someone plz tell me what to do.
i just don't feel right on how am i feeling recently.
It doesn't right.
你们知道吗？ 我对着这部电脑，对着发表文章的那一面，瞪了很久，却不知道该写什么 =（
我发觉，最近我有很多写了一半，却不下文了的博文。
是啊。最近比较忙，erm, 我觉得，过得比较充实更加恰当吧 !
啊。
又不知道该继续写些什么了。
又是一篇没阅读价值的文章。
p/s::
刚刚我查到有人在Google那儿 googled 我的名字。
我可以知道那是谁吗？
还有，给我少许时间，重新整理我的思绪。
最近，我的脑又进入停滞期了。
无法继续向前走。
Ishhh. Each of my thighs got >10 red spots now
all these are mosquitoes' bites
all the bites on my thighs are not residing though it had have been there for days.
HOW?
WHAT CAN I DO ???? itchy lar ;(
damn da mosquitoes.
. . .
Jz started my degree course last week.
aww yea i m so into psychology now =)
. . .
and and and, celebrated my 19th bdae last week toooooo.
it was a B.L.A.S.T !!!
thanks to my buddiesssss for it. i was truly happy for it.
will update more on ittttttt soooooooon. haha.
datz y i m so scared of moving on, of losing u now.
. . .
now ar...
belanja u minum Miso soup 1st larh. haha coz im so tired now. not in da mood to write out anything...
Ahh. i was back from Pulau Redang yesterday.
ermm...guess i will upload some photos and talk about it more once i get back my memory card =)
it was a blast. so to speak.
To be honest, i didnt enjoy as much as i expect i will. It's not that is not fun...it's just that it is not fun enuff for me. i nida sth more exiciting, wilder to make myself get high. Plus, it was my 3rd time on a trip to Pulau Redang...so i am sorta know wadz da activities there, which snorkelling spots that we were heading to...so, it is no longer a surprise to me.
Aww well. i did have some improvement thou. For the 1st time, i snorkelled without the help of pelampung or da divers there...lol...no longer fear of the water or dunno how to swim. Since i have life jacket, so i just put all my trusts on it, and brace myself for the snorkelling.
On the way back to KL...deng wyatt who called ptee abt da release of result == !! This news made all of us almost got mad in the bus. Well, mayb not all of us, it's MEEEEE. i was nervous back then. Damn nervous...extremely worried about my Malaysian studies...yet...none of us know about our Malaysian studies grade yet...DANG !! Hopefully i didnt fail that shitty paper.
Well, about my results...it actually is very good. But...i don't reli feel happy for it.
Coz no matter how good i can get for my results, there choices i have are still the same. Better results only make me struggle more, struggle more n more just to get more unrealistic choices for myself... ...
i hate this kind of feeling which make me so vulnerable.
Ahh. i am tarnised by myself right now.
don wanna give uppp.Wanna the best for myself...
啊 ！ 我很想做工阿...
可是，假期不长不短，逢周末不得空，所以没有适合的工作 =（
我已经放假几天了
刚开始3天，天天无忧无虑，只看动画。至今，已看完了3 套了...
刚开始天天看动画是享受。
这几天，觉得是折磨了 T.T
我不喜欢一直对着电脑。
我有手，有脚，有脑，有健康的身体，
总觉得不好好的做工或上课的话，真的很浪费我自己 =（
也对不起天地良心 >< !
况且，我觉得能做工是很幸福的事。
因为有工作，好过没工作。
天天在家无所事事都无济于事。
钱有出，没进。叹气。
不喜欢做个蛀米虫 ；（
我的部落格
所记载的多数我的感想，我的感受。
读了，可能会知道当时我在想些什么，可是，你绝对不会事情的来龙去脉，更加不会知道我发生了什么事。
因为
我的部落格不是我的日记。我不喜欢写下我今天做了些什么。我也不需要写； 因为该记得的，我要记得的，我都会一一牢记在我的心。
我不需要一个部落格提醒我自己做了些什么， 更加不需要向全世界报告我做了些什么。
我写博文，因为我在思考，反省，整理自己的思绪。
或者，发现了新奇的东西，想和大家分享而已。
就这么简单。
终于
我完成了基础班。
现在似断了线的风筝，充满自由，但也充满迷惑。
眼前出现了不同的去向；
不知道我所选的去向是对是错。
也不只到最终自己会到了哪儿。
. . .
很讨厌成长。
当还是个孩子的时候，我们只需在作决定的时候负责任。
现在，已彻彻底底是个成人，必须对自己已作的决定负责任。
ughhhh. lots of random thoughts are in my mind now.
Today
finally finished my very last presentation for my foundation course.
It's the economics presentation.
i think my group's presentation was quite different from others' as in....our content did not focus on the fiscal policy n monetary policy as they did....err...in another words, we took a risky way to answer the given Q. hope it's fine enuf to score larh =)
AND I SAW STHG THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE SEEN THROUGHOUT MY LIFE !
Then....PDP came into my mind out of sudden.
It was a great relief for me once it was done.
It was a not so bad presentation afterall...thanks to all my groupmates for their co-operations =)
yet, i somehow i don't da group is functional as i see no interaction among the groupmates.
Everyone is doing her own parts. When there are Qs, they only come to me...im not boasting that i am the leader of the group...
it's just dat...i hope they can ask each other questions, consultations and advices instead of everything has to go thru me. Honestly speaking, I would love to see they interact of each others =\ But, i can't blame them for it. Partly, it was my fault for not being a leader that can lit up the group's enthusiams.
AND YES. i felt damn stressful b4 the presentation. Firstly bcoz i'm da leading one. Secondly, we did a lot of last min works and we had no rehearsal b4 the presentation.... alot of worrisomes, doubts were turning my body n mind upside down b4 the presentation..... i reli hate to be a leader, to be honest..... it's very tedious for me =( and it's so...burdening. But, all these are not supposed to be the excuses that i use to allow myself to be so slacking...no. Gotta be better. To brace myself for what's coming upnext in my life...
OH YEA. i feel like dressing up like a punk/ goth one day *grin*
anyone wanna accompany me ? anyway, deep inside my heart, i adi know who will be with me for dat =) hehe.
btw, i have been playing badminton for past 2 weeks. haha. i definately not a competent badminton player...as i am so lazy to move myself to catch all the shots :P
Gonna change ds attitude soon. Coz it seriously brings no good to me but more deposited fats in my body due to my laziness ><
.....it's so tired of being the permaisure in my econs' class...thanks to my lecturer, every1 in my econs class know me. this has against my low profile life....>< !! bsides, classmates consult me whenever they hav problems in econs n their presentations... well. thanks them for looking so up on me. i am so honoured =] and glad dat i can offer my helps. Just, sometimes, i m worried i will giv them the wrong info.............i'm scared. honestly. i'm scared of it.
that's all for 2day....nitex peeps !!
just glimpsed at my years back photos.
and all the bitter-sweet, nostalgic reminiscences just flow back into my mind.
Ahh. how much i miss my high skul life.
If i could turn back the time, i wanna b in high skul again.
Worry nothing but the boredom of the day.
just wanna act we are faliing down xD
i took this picture purposely by using huici's cam. simply 'coz i know she has phobia towards snake.
haha. just wanna help her to overcome the fear =P
Their eyes tell how enjoying they were.
Cheers =)
LOL ar...were you swallowing Starfish?
The girls.
The boys.
When bobo hasnt 漏风 =(
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So0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o Incredible of me ponteng LAN 2day =D
I have had a strong feeling of going home at 2pm and yea...'ve headed home right after 2pm. To sleep. I need to sleep.
ONce i awoke.....received Jenny's msg of informing me LAN claz cancelled 2day =)
SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I GOT PYSCHIC POWER ! c'mon. folo me. ponteng 2geda. and we can save ourselves from loathing boredom !
* bear with my craps neway...haha...seriously need to release stress b4 i get crazy or shall i rephrase it....macam... b4 i get crazier? haha...CONTROL mannn. Control my mind b4 i get schizopheria...>< !
AWWW YEA ! i hate STATS !!!!!!!!
'coz i don find it interesing and most importantly i don understand wadz the formula for. It just don make sense to me =(
My brain is just not for a chunk of numbers.
PSYCHOLOGY !!!
Get back my midterm paper...and ar...so so larh. not reli satisfy with it...but itz still ok larh =)
Need to work alot harder and study 9 9 for final jor... Common sense is no longer applied in last few chapters...
studied Psychology disorders 2day. Luckily i suffer none of those =)
So glad to find out i am still a normal.
Change of heart.
Currently i m reading it but i'm stuck in chapter 2 for almost a month....
Need to move on reading.
_End_ of my craps of the day.
thanks for reading.
Whoakay !
I admit i regret. Finally regret. Regret of din choose A level over Foundation =(
First time in my life
i regret i chose Foundation instead of A level or STPM
coz i have pulvarized all my available choices O.O
What left is nothing much now
( somehow Js is right about F for Foundation...damn it. )
Uh-Oh
And, i regret of having low profile life in matriculation year !
When wanna apply for scholarship and entry of Uni in overseas,
GCE A level. ok. i am out of da uni.
Active in extra curriculum. Ok. i have shutted myself from extra curriculum for long, which means, i am disqualified =/
I. HaVe. Screwed. Up. My. Future. By. Myself. !
hell y am i sounded so thrilled ? I assure you im writing this piece with sorrow O.o (well, maybe i dunno what exactly sorrow is...)
What Can I Do now But to Indemnify My Mistake ?
i thought, i have chosen the right path. Yea, itz right path of my life but wrong choice of my way.
Hmmm. Should have saved all my regrets instead and look for alternatives now.
Alternative 1 :: Stuck myself at HUC for 3 years T.T
Alternative 2 :: AWW YEA. WORK DAMN ALOT HARDER once I M IN DEGREE. And JOIN WHATEVER I CAN JOIN AND BE ACTIVE !!!
BE HIGH PROFILE (yea high high high high into the sky ! ) in other words !!
for scholarship and entry to top Uni.
Alternative 3 :: Give up NOw. and Get MArried ! ( this sounds so-not-me )
Alternative 4 :: Change my path ?
Obviously, i have chosen Alternative 2 now. Will not create more regrets for myself ,my life.
And definately will not change my path of choosing be into PSYCHOLOGY !
I know, there are alot of people disencourage me to study psychology for my own's sake.
Anyway, thanks for your concerns and sorry to say that i will not change it anyhow.
I know da path i've chosen is hard to pass, but it's the hardness that leads me to travel it.
Sounds crazy? haha. Indeed, I am an idiot who choose to have a hard life ahead. And, simply 'coz i can't lie to my heart.
BUT i am happy with it and have confidence in achieving to be who i wanna be.
Maybe it's sound ridiculous to you of me being so unrealistic,
yet, HERE I AM *coughie coughie
to show u my irrevocable choice with cogent determination*winkz*
whisper in my mind ::haha hope i dare to say that too in planning my gam fei plan ><
pp/s:: Love me, but don't tell me who i have to be.
here's who i am and 'm what you see
'm not that child anymore. 'm stronger now.
Help to me move on but please don't tell me how
im on my way, and 'm moving now =)
